By the time my father got confined to the hospital last Friday, another friend’s father had already been in the hospital for a couple of days, as was another friend’s father, as was another friend’s husband. These are the ladies I grew up with.  We had shared career stuff and marriage stuff and children’s stuff through the years. I suppose it was our destiny to be talking about caregiving these days.

As they shared information about symptoms and specialists, there were constant reminders about how I shouldn’t forget to take care of myself.

It’s easy to forget about caring for yourself when you’re caring for someone you love. In the first few days, you suddenly find yourself with renewed energy. You feel like  a superhero with the strength to go through days with only a few hours of light sleep, to crunch up a whole bunch of data in one sitting, and to make like a mild-mannered reporter and update family and friends about the events of the day.

When I recall the days that my sister and I spent at the ICU last year, I still can’t quite believe how we were able to get by. We were in a daze of sorts, and honestly, my recollections have become a bit fuzzy through the weeks.

Here’s the thing about caregiving: Life does not stop. Life does not wait. Meals need to be cooked. Deadlines need to be met. Relationships need to be nurtured. Or else, you’ll find yourself in another form of ICU! Mwahahahaha

So you squeeze everything in, and hope and pray that things fall into place. Magka-himala ba? Mwahahaha

Now that we find ourselves confined once again, I’ve become more conscious about how I cope with the events of the day.

I cook, for one. Slicing tomatoes, peeling potatoes, waiting for everything to cook into a wonderful stew is relaxing to me. I don’t have to think about my dad or my mom, as the case maybe, stranded in the hospital, hooked up on all sorts of medication.

I also devour information, lots of it. I would listen to reports from the doctor, and then launch into my own private research. That is my work, after all, and soon enough, I’ll be reading medical references and sometimes, even studies from journals! The knowledge that I somehow understand what’s going on with my Dad’s body calms me down. Until of course, the next report comes in and I find myself with a new set of terms to hunt down! Excellent!

I chat with family and friends. Of late, my sisters and I have found ourselves chatting till late into the night, trying to figure out what’s going on. We try to joke about stuff, but we’re actually sickly worried. There have also been times some people unknowingly message me about some other thing, and I end up chatting about my shit and stuff. Guys, you know who you are. Thank you so much for being kind to this flustered Lula, from the bottom of my bottom.

And of course, I sleep. One of the talents that I am extremely grateful to have is my ability to sleep anytime, anywhere — on  a moving vehicle, on a chair, beside a snoring person.

When we finally moved up to a regular room from the ICU, I recall, I was so excited to finally have the opportunity to lay my back on a sofa. I’ve been sleeping on a chair for days. I quickly drifted off to sleep, and Mom had to call on me thrice just to wake me up.

Mom: Jing (quietly). Jing (with more force). Jeannie (shouting)!!!

Jing: Ma?

I was actually awake the first time she called on me, but I just couldn’t bear for my back to leave the sofa! I’ve already forgotten what it was that she wanted me to do, maybe get her water, but I can still remember her look of frustration at the thought of her caregiver literally sleeping on the job. Mwahahahaha

And so to all of you caring for your mothers, fathers, siblings, aunts, uncles, nephews, nieces, daughters, sons, friends, here’s a warm kiss and a tight hug and a wish that our prayers will be answered. Remember, you are not alone! And hey, help is but a message away, just ask for it!