I wasn’t the best mother of the bride ever, but I thought I did a pretty good job at being a relatively chill one. A former roomie once told me that I always seem to do things ahead of everyone else, so maybe you can learn a little something from my experience.

Weddings will always be sentimental occasions. And when you’re the mother of the bride, your emotional meter may go the way of a rollercoaster. But looking back on Sean and Erika’s beautiful wedding almost a year ago, I’ve gathered a few lessons that might help my next mommy friend walking down this exciting path.

It’s their wedding, not yours.

Preparing for a milestone event with so many moving parts could be very stressful, and the mother of the bride-to-be would do well not to make things more complicated by inserting herself into the picture. 

Sure, you’ve done this before. Okay, you know so-and-so and you can help them snag that always fully booked venue. But there ends your duty. 

Your job is to hold her hand, hear her frustrations, share in her joys, and appreciate her bridal glow. If she asks for your opinion, that’s well and good. Don’t expect her to follow it though. 

Yes, we always want the best for our daughter, but here’s a gentle reminder: it’s her wedding, not yours. 

Besides, wouldn’t it be more fun to just sit back, relax, and watch her grow into the graceful, capable woman you always knew she could be?

It’s all about the dress.

And no, I don’t mean yours.

I’ve seen a few weddings where the mother of the bride came in a look-at-me ensemble, and it was unfortunate. While we all want to look our best, the spotlight belongs to one person only, the bride.

Personally, I chose my dress for comfort. I wanted, more than anything, to support my daughter–and if it meant being able to move with speed should the circumstance warrant, I wanted to do so, even in a long shiny, shimmery dress. 

Stay in your lane.

You’re used to running family affairs and making sure everything gets done. But this time, let the wedding coordinators do their job. You have a different role now: be fully present, support your daughter, and hold the family together. 

Tears will undoubtedly be shed, but do so discretely. You don’t want to ruin your makeup as pictures will be taken before, during, and after the ceremony. I did most of my crying the night before, while writing my speech and honestly, it helped. On the day of the wedding, I was able to just feel everything, without falling apart.

You are the rock. Be calm in the chaos. 

Be grateful.

“A bell’s not a bell ’til you ring it, a song’s not a song ’til you sing it, love in your heart wasn’t put there to stay—love isn’t love ’til you give it away.” – Oscar Hammerstein II

We were lucky to spend a couple of days with Sean’s family before the wedding. The couple had planned it that way, and it turned out beautifully. By the time we walked down the aisle, we weren’t just two families meeting, we were one family coming together. 

Your presence is the best present.

When all is said and done, what your daughter will remember most is that you were there for her. You showed up with love, joy, and grace.

You may have a lifetime of wisdom to offer, but what she needs most is your presence. She’s not going for perfection. She doesn’t need advice. She just wants you.

And maybe, just maybe, that’s what being a chill mother of the bride means, knowing when to let go and stand back as your child walks down the aisle towards her forever.