One of the things that I now have the leisure of doing: Catching up on television shows that I’ve missed. I remember being so captivated by Grey’s Anatomy with McDreamy and McSteamy, Izzie cutting Denny’s LVAD, Karev giving O’Malley syphilis, and Christina Ricci doing a cameo as a paramedic. I think I went as far as Cristina and Burke’s aborted wedding, but then life happened, and I lost the thread. 

Fast forward to 2025: Grey’s Anatomy is on Season 21 and McSteamy is dead! What the hell happened?! 

So now, every chance I get, I watch an episode or two of Grey’s to get myself updated. In one of those episodes, Dr. Miranda Bailey says matter-of-factly as a working single mom: “I don’t have time to fall apart.”

And it hit me, hey, that was me a thousand years ago, and it made me just a tad sad.

Moms can’t fall apart

Moms don’t have to be told. We know it in our veins. If we fall apart, the family falls apart, so we can’t fall apart. This was my mantra for years. The whole world could fall apart, but not me!

At first, I thought I could do without the falling apart, and I did, for quite some time. But in the long run, it had consequences. Were it not for my youth, I would not have been able to manage running a household, caring for four kids, and holding down a job. As I got older, however, the stress started taking its toll on my body. When my father passed away, it was like my body gave way too. A couple of months after he left, I experienced vertigo. I thought nothing of it. When it didn’t go away for a few days, I hauled my ass to the hospital, and that’s when I was first diagnosed with hypertension.

Consciously and consistently not falling apart leads to mental and emotional exhaustion as well. I remember going through a phase when I was angry and irritated all the time. The slightest little thing would set me off, and it didn’t do me or my kids any good. I didn’t know it then but I was probably going through what I now recognize as parental burnout.

In 2018, Belgian researchers developed the Parental Burnout Assessment after interviewing more than 900 parents. From their testimonies, the researchers were able to identify characteristics of parental burnout: exhaustion in one’s parental role, contrast with previous parental self, feelings of being fed up with one’s parental role, and emotional distancing from one’s children. Check, check, check!

Fortunately, my sense of self-preservation as well as my readings on the importance of self-care saved me from totally flaming out. No, I didn’t go on a grand vacation or an extensive wellness retreat. I honestly didn’t have time for that. I made small changes. I started seeing my friends again. I woke up early so I could enjoy some quiet time. I scheduled pedicures. I read books. I rediscovered the me who was not the parent. It was a revelation!

These days I give myself time to fall apart when I need to. I don’t have to hold it together all the time. After all, I am but human. I feel sad when I’m sad, mad when I’m mad, glad when I’m glad. I give myself space to breathe, to feel, to live, and so should you!!