I spent a good part of my professional life with Summit Media. It was perfect timing. Summit Media was then the biggest publishing company in the country, churning out dozens of magazine titles every month, both homegrown and international.

I was only too happy to be there. The magazine industry was at the beginning of its heydays, and we were learning and inventing as we went along. An indelible memory of that time was styling a product shoot with photographer Ocs Alvarez at the makeshift studio. It was late, and we still had a long way to go but it didn’t matter. We were having fun with the layouts, and even joked that we were lucky to be paid for something that we love doing. Hahaha. Memories!

So when a former colleague from Summit Media, Zo Aguila, she whom I spent many nights in karaoke bars with, asked me to speak about timing and how it affects a woman’s life, I readily agreed. I was to speak with Myrza Sison, and together the three of us had a grand time bouncing off each other’s ideas. Having shared the same office for years, it was uncanny how one picked up where the other left off. If you want to “see” us, I am sharing details of how you can get an access pass to the Sisterhood Summit (Naks naman, hehe).  

But because we were given a set of questions beforehand, and geek that I am answered each one, I am sharing those here. Hope they make sense to you.

Is there such a thing as a woman’s timeline? What does it look like?

A woman’s timeline? There was this invisible timeline we had, maybe 30 or even 20 years ago? And it was inextricably linked to what we know as the woman’s biological clock. You go to university, you get a job, climb the ladder, get married, have children, and live happily ever after, all these in your 20s to 30s. It was the traditional timeline, and one that most women in my generation followed. I’m 54. It was also kind of the timeline I followed, but I deviated from it a little. My college roommate once told me that I was always doing stuff ahead of everybody else, and that’s true. I got married early. I had my first child when I was 22. I was separated before I hit my 40s, and became a grandmother by the time I was 42.

This timeline is invisible, and there are a number of other women, mercifully, who carved their own paths and blazed the trail for younger women. So that now, starting 10 years ago perhaps, many other timelines became open and were welcomed by women.

Before, there was a time when women felt pressured to align with these predetermined milestones and timelines. Do you think that pressure still exists today in the 21st Century? 

Yes, definitely, there is still a lot of pressure on women to conform, not just on timelines but behavior, appearance, attitude. As much as we’d like to think that we have achieved progress in terms of women’s rights, we have actually regressed specially during the last six years. We are the only country without divorce. Of course, you could get an annulment but the process is difficult and expensive, making it inaccessible to majority of women. And believe me that will screw up your timeline big time because what if you married an asshole? So there!

Tell us about your personal experience, did your own life path align with a traditional trajectory? 

Obviously, no. I’m not the ten-year plan kind of person. I’m more of the make-it-as-I-go-along type. But I knew what I wanted, and as a single mom, what I wanted was to raise my children in the best possible way that I can. So I was very aggressive in terms of opportunities which presented themselves to me, and I yes, embraced the timing of my life. I always took advantage of who I was and where I was in terms of my career. I knew I was good at what I did, and instead of being bogged down by the fact that I have four children, I embraced it. Hey, I have four kids so I know about parenting, I know about keeping house, I know about organizing, I know about cooking, so at that time, it became my brand.

How can a woman adjust to or accept her present circumstances? 

What worked for me here is the Serenity Prayer: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.

I cannot change the fact that I became a grandmother at 42. That’s a given, so I had to go with the flow, and I embraced it. I wasn’t, oh no, I’m 42 and I’m a grandmother. It’s, wow, I’m 42, and I am a lula!

Rewind to when I was in my 20s, and I was in a very toxic relationship for some time. When you’re emotionally and psychologically abused, it takes time to break out of the bubble. But the good news is that you can. You just have to ask yourself, is this the me that I want to be? Is this the me that I want others to see?

For myself, that me at the time was a nagging, insecure woman, and that’s not me. And that’s also not the me that I wanted my children to see. The me that was me was beautiful and smart and funny. So I took myself out of that situation, ASAP

You need to have the wisdom to discern whether you can or cannot change your situation. If you can change it, then go! Grab the whatever by the balls. My take on this is that you don’t have to accept your present circumstance, if you don’t want to. Your fate is in your hands.

Maybe before we actually start loving where and WHEN we are…the question to ask is “Do we trust it?” What do you think?

Do you trust the timing? Regardless of our situation, the question you should be asking is: Am I me in this particular construct? It’s only when you’re you that you get to run with your potential, you become your better version, if not the best. This is so like we’re in a philosophy class, but I’ve found that I am at my best and happiest when I’m in a particular set of circumstance where I’m me.

Can our circumstances be wrong? 

Situations are situations, it’s how we react or respond to it that makes it either pleasant or unpleasant.

A couple of years ago, I had a hypertensive episode. It was years of neglecting my body. I was too busy taking care of others that I wasn’t taking care of myself. It was a phase. My children were already adults but then my parents were advancing in years. And they were in and out of the hospital for quite some time. When you’re in that phase, your adrenaline is pumping, and you just get on care bear mode. A couple of months after my father passed away is when I had that episode, and it was a wakeup call for me. Again, I was presented another situation, and I accepted it. I wasn’t angry. It was another circumstance to learn from. The me that was the nerd started reading and researching, and the lesson to learn for me there was how to slow down. Because I’ve been on high gear for years, and I had to stop and pause and smell the flowers. I took up tai chi, I downloaded meditation apps, I ate better, I learned how to manage my stress. So when we got locked down a year or so after, I was prepared for it because I had learned to slow down, and I actually had a better time during the quarantine.

Situations are situations, you just need to know how to roll with them.

They say that the detours lead us to clearer pathways. Do you agree with this? 

I actually love detours. I love not knowing what’s going to happen next. When we go on vacations, I don’t like itineraries because where’s the fun in that, right? It’s such a cliché but it is really the journey and not the destination. And you always learn something about yourself whether you turn left or right. I learned something when I became a single mother, when I became a grandmother. That’s the beauty of life, the inner journey to yourself. I think that’s one of the greatest adventures you can have.

What does it now mean to LOVE the timing of your life? 

Loving the timing of your life means accepting the wholeness of whatever phase you’re in. So Lula Land is precisely that. There’s a certain kind of freedom you enjoy when you’re older. One of the earlier talks had Anne Bella, and she’s a stylist. One of my posts was dressing up for women of a certain age, and when you’re older and you know yourself, you have more fun in fashion. Of course, I’m not saying that it’s all pink and rosy getting old because it’s not, so I also wrote about the roller coaster of menopause. Accept the phase you’re in and have fun with it, because if you’re not having fun, then why, right?

What would be your top tips for women to accept and embrace the timing of their lives? 

Know yourself. Everything springs from the self-knowledge, self-awareness. Do I want to start a business? Do I want to change careers? Do I want to get married? Do I want to have kids? Do I want to migrate? Do I want to vote for this or that person?

All your decisions, whatever phase you’re in, springs from who you are, what you hold dear, how you see yourself, and where you see yourself.

Knowing yourself will enable you to accept and embrace the timing of your life. Make no mistake about it, it’s a process, a continuous one, but it will be worth it.